The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Sharing the love

Things we liked, or didn’t like, from around the internet this week.

Via Ally on Twitter, on talking about gendered body parts. Ally also has a massive round up of feminsty links at her place, which you should go look at. And watch her dance, because she is teh cuteness.

A guest post on The F-Word, by Lorrie Hearts, about baby-friendly hospitals. She taps into one of my (Deb) pet peeves about the baby-friendly hospitals initiative:

The tendency to remove agency and autonomy from women who have had children is something that I find highly disturbing. … “But it’s best for baby” continues to be the phrase on the flag. When, exactly, people stopped prioritising what’s best for women is a question that remains to be answered.

Slutwalk (finally) comes to New York. All those “hundreds of scantily-clad marchers” are shown in this video, plus a good round up of links.  Also, plenty of feministy bloggers in the video, skeevy dudes taking photos, and my new favourite sign, the one that reads: </patriarchy> We need that on a tshirt. More from Sady Doyle here.

Here at TLG, we try to be inclusive of everyone, yes, including men. We think it’s important to have them at the table, to include them in the debate. And look, when it comes to equality in developing nations, at least, we’re right.

Anne Else was invited to speak to her old school, Auckland Girls’ Grammar: Time Travel. It seems that Anne has been subversive for a Very Long Time.

Why were the teachers so concerned about our class? Because we were irritatingly different. When we disapproved of a teacher, we united in silence strikes, refusing to answer any questions. Quite a few of us were unusually independent and strong-minded, finding creative ways to subvert what we considered petty rules, for example about uniforms and hair. Some of us wore black underwear, as required – but it was black lace. Yes, there were underwear inspections in those days.

Greta Christina asks, “Is Everyone Basically Bisexual?” (Here’s a clue: the answer is ‘no’.)

The brilliant Pervocracy addresses a question that we talk about a lot here: what do ideas about relationships in the kink/BDSM/polyamorous world have to offer when it comes to thinking and talking about relationships in general.

What kind of relationship you have is your choice, and one choice isn’t better than another.  What’s important is that you make a choice.  That even if you’re you’re monogamous, vanilla, and heterosexual–you’re doing it because it’s what you want and because you and your partner have agreed to it, not because that’s what people do.  What’s important isn’t what path you take, but that you know there are paths.

Also. Dear New York Post: fuck you. Fuck you very much. And when you say “giving it up”? What the hell is “it”? Because it must be a thing I don’t have any more after that. You know, like the vestiges of your self-respect after you published that pack of shit.

And lastly, a little bit of eye-candy. Men posed as pinups.

6 responses to “Sharing the love

    • Deborah October 8, 2011 at 9:10 pm

      Thanks for the links, Alice. I really dislike the baby-friendly hospitals initiative, because although it might be baby-friendly, I don’t think it’s mother-friendly, or family-friendly. I’ve written about it before: Childbirth, breastfeeding, power and hypocrisy.

      I also think that it’s important not to assume that the USian experience is universal.

      • Isabel October 8, 2011 at 10:54 pm

        The baby friendly hospital initiative should be mother friendly too but it is often poorly applied. The intent is to prevent obstacles to mothers breastfeeding such as poor advice and marketing from formula companies. There is nothing there to say that mothers who choose not to breastfeed should be treated with anything but respect or that advice about safe formula feeding cannot be given.

        • Deborah October 9, 2011 at 7:41 am

          My experience of an alleged “baby friendly hospital” was very negative, with staff who wouldn’t help me breastfeed my new born twins, and a complete failure to get a lactation consultant to visit me on a timely basis. A friend had similar experiences there: staff who thought it would be good for her to manage her twins all by herself, even though she was going home to two other children. And this allegedly baby friendly hospital sent new mothers home on day two or three, just when their milk was coming in, and they might have needed plenty of assistance with getting breast feeding established. Baby friendly they may be. Women and family friendly they are not.

          Grump grump grump.

          There’s a whole discussion to be had about what would best support new mothers and babies, and of course, that’s intertwined with funding for hospitals. The thing is, we *know* what makes a difference: plenty of support, including support with establishing breastfeeding, from midwives and hospital staff and partners who don’t have to rush back to work but have a bit of time to stay home and help with the new baby and with other children. Otherwise all we are doing with the huge pressure put on women to do this, that and the other thing with respect to parenting, is making individual women responsible for solving the problems that arise from the systemic failure of our society to support parents.

          • Isabel October 9, 2011 at 8:11 pm

            That sounds like a hospital that was failing in its implementation of baby friendliness to me (similar to the hospital where my first was born which was working toward accreditation but gave shitty breastfeeding support). Women who wish to breastfeed should not find it hard to get timely, knowledgeable support before they’ve even left the hospital, especially when that hospital is claiming to be “baby friendly”.

  1. Muerk October 9, 2011 at 1:40 am

    An unhappy mother is not a recipe for a happy, settled baby. Hospitals should be friendly for babies and mothers because their needs are intertwined.

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