The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Dear Audrey Young,

Some things. For a start, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this piece you wrote? Is supposed to be a news article, not an opinion piece.

I understand, also, that with a lack of solid information, it’s part of your job to speculate about different combinations of leaders and deputies. It’s just that normally I don’t expect “speculate” to quite so literally mean “make shit up”.

However. What the fucking FUCK were you thinking when you wrote this?

And Shane Jones is also an outside chance as a running mate. He and Mr Shearer together would represent a return to a more pragmatic party, with less emphasis on gays and feminists.

I’m not complaining about you starting a sentence with a conjunction, either.

Possibly you might have been tipped there was something wrong with this when you saw you’d put the words “pragmatic” and “Shane Jones” so close together. I’m not sure, but perhaps the word you wanted there was “phlegmatic”.

Because that word? Pragmatic? I don’t think it means what you think it means.

See, you know who disproportionately vote Left? Women. And “Gays”. What the hell is “pragmatic” about a left-wing party placing “less emphasis” on left-wing voters? Fucking hell. If the Labour Party put actual emphasis on LGBTI and feminist issues, you know what? I might actually fucking vote for them. If Labour secured the votes of all the chicks and fags, they’d be the goddamn government.

Though possibly only after someone had taken Shane Jones and Damian O’Connor for a long walk in the bush and lost them. That’d be FAB-u-lous.



6 responses to “Dear Audrey Young,

  1. Tamara December 2, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Thank you Emma. I read her piece over my breakfast this morning and nearly spat scrambled eggs all over my newspaper. Thankfully(?) the Herald sends the Friday paper to us for free. I wouldn’t pay for it. That was pretty shocking.

  2. SpittingMoz December 2, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    If only phlegmatic meant “made people want to spit”. And speculate was closer in meaning to expectorate. “Mrs Young expectorates that the phlem-inspiring Shane Jones would cause Labour’s vote to reach levels enjoyed by ACT”.

  3. Hugh December 2, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    I think the argument is that women and gays are a “captive vote” so Labour can afford to neglect them, because they don’t really have anywhere else to go.

    I’m not sure the argument holds up, but I think that’s what we’re supposed to take from this.

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