The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Today in What The Actual Fuck news

FOTLG Boganette linked to this article on Tumblr last night. I have been mulling it over, and while it’s not the cause, it is definitely not helping this headache I have. So let’s, shall we, take this apart piece by piece. It is brilliant in it’s absurdity. As always, Don’t read the comments.

Is the pursuit for gender equality sucking life out of relationships?

Not mine, but you carry on.

Instead of harnessing the different qualities of men and women to energise us, we are striving to make men and women equal.

More women are joining the battle for the CEO’s chair and pursuing dominance in their homes and communities. But in the process they’re becoming more like men. And men are becoming… well, less like men.

Um, yeah, no. “Striving for equality” isn’t “making women more like men. And cutting off the men’s balls and turning them into namby-pamby apron wearing pantywaists. It means women having equal rights and opportunities and access to services and healthcare, and bodily autonomy, and freedom from fear of violence, and teh right to work or not work. It’s the choice. And if a woman has to “become more like a man” to do that, that’s a sad indictment on this apparently “post-feminist” world we live in. If she does that because she chooses to, fantastic. But let’s none of us fool ourselves into thinking that women wearing boxy pantsuits and drinking beer with the boys after a 14 hour day at the executive table is what every feminist wants.

Renowned Australian neurosurgeon Charlie Teo believes men and women have different roles “set not only by society but set by physiology”.

“The current trend is for dads to be more hands on. But for all we know it may be proven in a hundred years time that that may be a negative thing for the upbringing of children,” he said recently on Seven’s Sunday Night program.

Yes. Parental involvement is such a terribly bad thing. That’s why I just spent ten minutes googling and couldn’t find any study ever saying that. (I’m positive someone will come along to prove me wrong). But what do I know? For all we know, in one hundred years, it may be proven that cigarettes are good for you, lettuce causes heart disease, and bourbon is an elixir. (I can live in hope)

Feminism has achieved victories for women, but could it be at the expense of femininity, chivalry and attributes of the opposite sex that instinctively attract us to each other?

No. Have you not seen the recent retro-crafty-uber-feminine-apron-and-gingham movement.  Or feminist embracing stilettos and lipstick. And I, as a card-carrying feminist (seriously, we need cards, ladies), have never once kicked a man for holding a door open for me. Chivalry is nothing more than politeness, and I expect that from everyone.

“This force of attraction is the dynamism that often disappears in modern relationships. If you want real passion, you need a ravisher and a ravishee. Otherwise you just have two buddies who decide to rub genitals in bed,” he writes.

*snort*. I just…can’t even. Hey, I liked to be ravished as much as any girl, but why is that to say women can’t be the ravisher? Oh. Because he wrote a book called “The Way of the Superior Man”, so he’s clearly the ideal person to quote in an article about feminism.

Earlier this month, TopGear presenter James May…

Noted without comment.

Well into the last century the husband provided his family with a home and food and this sole responsibility gave him a sense of power and purpose. And women didn’t feel pressure to justify their existence with a career. They were proud home makers and mothers.

Until feminism.

That’s right, blame the bitches. We ruined _everything_. Just out of interest, this right you have to express your opinion, to be heard in a publication, that just came to you, did it? No one fought for that right, no one suffered so you could spout your “traditionalist views”? And also, you know there are women who are still proud homemakers and mothers? And the fact that some women feel pressured to stay in the workforce or not stay in the workforce, or wear heels or not wear heels or put our when they don’t want to, is exactly the reason you need to be a feminist.

However, a British survey of 2000 men revealed one-third of men would prefer to be the sole breadwinning traditional father while another quarter would like to be the main breadwinner with their spouse working only part-time.

Instead, men are sporting aprons, doing their own ironing and pushing trolleys down supermarket aisles – roles that don’t exactly exude manliness.

You know, one of the most “manly” men I know does his own ironing. In fact, I’ve asked him on occasion to do mine. Do you know what? Sporting aprons and doing the supermarket shopping is providing for a family. Challenging society’s vision of what makes a “real man” is extremely manly, and if you can’t see that, you are part of the problem.

“Kids, turn off the TV, Buster outside, Dave, the dishes aren’t going to clean themselves.” Dave feels like he’s surrendered his balls.

When a man is stripped of his sense of purpose, it’s more difficult to satisfy that instinctive hunger for power and purpose. Could this be part of the reason why one in eight Australian men experiences severe depression in their lifetime?

Deida describes it as a “weakened impotent existence”.

“Without a conscious life purpose, a man is totally lost, drifting, adapting to events rather than creating events,” he said.

Dave should probably talk to his wife. Of course, his wife is probably working a full time job, and doing the lion’s share of the caring at home, because our society continues to  not value “women’s work”. He might feel like he’s surrendered his balls. She’s probably exhausted.

And you know what? I could care less that the poor delicate flowers that are men are lost, adrift, and confused and impotent. OK, I probably care about that last one. However. I expect everyone – of whatever gender – to treat me like a human being. Frankly, I don’t give a shit if you’ve been taught to hate my gender. Man up, and do the decent thing.

I don’t think that women should surrender their careers all together. But if we allow men to reclaim some power, we women could do more to embrace our femininity.

Would we be happier if more of us accept that men and women are not equal?

Aside from the fact that the first sentence makes no grammatical sense, um, what? I think you mean men and women aren’t the same. I’d argue that people aren’t the same, but actually, I will never, ever, not in a million years, not if you paid me a billion dollars, or gave me 100 puppies, accept that men and women are not equal.

And even if in your privileged life, men and women are equal, it might be worth thinking about the fact that that in a lot of places, women live horrible lives of poverty and violence and fear. And we need to do something about that. With or without aprons.

13 responses to “Today in What The Actual Fuck news

  1. muerknz March 29, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Hahahahahha… this is hilARious. I’m a women in a traditional gender role – stay at home mum with husband as bread winner – and there is NO way I’m not an equal partner with my husband in our life. I mean it’s not like we even think that way. Our whole family is a team, kids and grandmother (who lives with us) included. We work as a family to get through life and we all pitch in.

    Still, I have to say this article was great for a laugh. I’m going to giggle all day about it. Actually stuff that, I might just go ravish my husband and see what he thinks about it.

  2. Moz March 29, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Oh gawd. Please, my poor, poor balls. I’d go and look for them but there’s too much housework to do.

    Why is it that when flatmates split the chores between them that’s just what you’d expect, but when two of them are a couple suddenly she’s supposed to do it all or risk emasculating him? Why isn’t me being on the housework roster emasculating until I start shagging one of the housemates? Surely it’s housework that’s the problem, not sex? Or does the in-house sex deplete my manly reserves?

    I suspect the retro-fanatics would say men aren’t capable of living without women, so the whole flatmate thing is a bit suspect to start with. And probably bring in some homophobia to cover the weakness in that argument. Hey, look, over there, a law against miniskirts!

  3. annanonymous March 29, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    I’m taken with the word ‘ravishee’. It will be hard to manufacture situations where I can use it, though.

    • tallulahspankhead March 29, 2012 at 8:15 pm

      Oh. It’s easy. “Ravish me, darling”, becomes “it would please me greatly to be your ravishee”.

  4. stuffedo March 29, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Thank you so much for turning a post that made me want to stab myself in the face with a fork, into something to laugh about.

  5. Jo March 29, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    This whole thing makes me just go What The Fuck. Because of everything you’ve said, and because of the blatant heterosexism it contains. Seriously, are the only people who exist those who are attracted to the opposite sex? This whole article is utterly ridiculous.

    • tallulahspankhead March 29, 2012 at 8:37 pm

      I think that being attracted to the opposite sex is Most Definitely Not your proper job as a Lady. But again, what would I know? I think it is ok for women to play contact sports.

      • Jo March 29, 2012 at 8:42 pm

        I do not want to have a relationship, children or a house to keep. I do want to be an archaeologist. There must be something seriously, seriously wrong with us.

  6. Deborah March 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Brilliant, Tallulah.

    Thing is, I’ve got no problems if some gent decides that he would like have a relationship with someone who wants to run the house, rear the children etc. If that’s what she wants to do, then that’s her business. It’s the casual little shift from “I’d like a relationship with a traditional woman” to, “Therefore, all women should get back to the kitchen” that annoys me.

    You go your way, sunshine, and I’ll go mine, and let’s just leave it at that.

  7. ampersandduck March 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

    And that bit about women being proud homemakers before feminism totally overlooks, nay, blatantly ignores the historical records on women earning their own living because otherwise they or their families (if they had them) wouldn’t eat. Who kept things going when men ran off to the crusades/revolutions/wars? What happened when there was no man? Women have always needed to work outside the home, just without any recognition, and their sense of unfairness and entitlement is what CAUSED feminism.

    I know, sorry, preaching to the converted etc etc but really, GAH.

    • Annani March 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm

      Not to mention the blindingly obvious fact that if women were so blissfully happy being homemakers and mothers, feminism simply wouldn’t have happened. It’s not like one woman invented feminism and spoiled the domestic paradise for everyone else.

  8. Sandra March 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    I would like to congratulate you for managing to read that entire piece of shit. I got to the Charlie Teo/dads being hands on probably causes cancer bit and had to look away. For you to then tear it apart limb from limb was above and beyond the call of duty and I intend to nominate you for the card carrying feminist award of the year. Bravo laydeeeee.

  9. Draco T Bastard March 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    When a man is stripped of his sense of purpose…

    Well, he does seem to be right about that but that, I suspect, also applies to women and doesn’t mean that men has to be a domineering arseholes or that women have to barefoot and int the kitchen. Interestingly enough, Marx said essentially the same thing about capitalism stealing away peoples sense of self-worth but I doubt that this person is calling for communism (I’m also more inclined to believe Marx).

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