The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Hellish

Trigger warning for sexual assault, assholishness, and losing all faith in humanity.

By now, you know all about the “funny” competition winner Hell pizza congratulated on its Facebook pages and its epic non-apology.

Hey everyone, tonight we posted a fan’s confession seeing it in the spirit of a prank between mates. Once we understood that offence had been taken and saw the bad light the post could be seen in we removed it, and we apologise to those offended. Lesson learned.

Because, yes, shoving your genitals in someone’s mouth: a prank between mates.

But, oh dear, people were offended, so we’ve taken it down, so those delicate little flowers stop being upset. Because no one in this country can take a joke. </sarcasm>

Now, that apology doesn’t make me think that Hell even understands why what they posted is offensive, let alone that the company is even remotely contrite. What confirms that for me is the conversation they have let go on. I was drunk, so I Read The Comments. Don’t.

Apparently, I can’t take a joke, I’m “just jealous”, teabagging someone isn’t that bad, and it’s definitely not sexual assault. We all need to lighten up, we all need to stop being so damn PC, it was funny, if someone did that to them they’d just punch them in the face and be done with it.

So far, so sigh-inducingly predictable. Rape culture 101. And were it not Hell, who has history, I’d probably be more surprised and angry. But I’m not. I don’t like their pizzas, so I’m OK. Feel free to boycott them, if it floats your boat. I doubt they give a shit about people like us.

Meanwhile, Habitual Fix has also “apologised” for their horrendous transphobic and body-shaming  Manwiches ad:

Hi everybody, we are very passionate about what we do, which is doing everything we can bring you your fresh food fix every day. We believe this is something that many similar NZ businesses cannot claim and this is why you, the customer, share our passion. But to stand out in a vanilla society that’s currently happy and safely sitting on the fence, we need an opinion, to stand for something and yes, a lot of attitude. Part of that attitude is to be current and very patriotic, that’s why last week we proposed the ‘Gold coin smoothie for Val’ promotion to you.

When did “vanilla” become a bad thing? Vanilla’s a great flavour. And if someone identifies as vanilla in a sexual context – and I am uncertain if that is the connotation they are going for – then that’s actually fine. Great even. You know what’s great? Vanilla added to a hot chocolate made with really dark, bitter, chocolate. Delicious…. Sorry, where was I? Yeah. Vanilla – good. Not a catchphrase for conservatism, for people being to PC, not getting your joke. And, like all sexual preferences and identifications, not something to imply is a bad thing, and you’re a better person because you don’t “sit on the fence”.

Here’s the thing. It actually is possible to stand out in a conservative society, have an opinion, and an attitude even, without BEING A COMPLETE FUCKING DICK WHO DENIGRATES OTHER PEOPLE BASED ON THEIR APPEARANCE. Shocking, I know.

[Update: Hell has offered money to Wellington Rape Crisis. Well. This is an interesting turn of events. If by interesting, we mean extremely problematic.]

3 responses to “Hellish

  1. tallulahspankhead August 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Incidentally, I see that Hell prefaced the original confessional with “don’t read if you’re easily offended”. So they knew the “bad light it could be seen in”, and posted it anyway.

  2. Emma August 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    But to stand out in a vanilla society that’s currently happy and safely sitting on the fence, we need an opinion, to stand for something and yes, a lot of attitude.

    So (accepting their idea of vanilla for a moment, which I don’t, obviously) in order to ‘stand out’ from the dull and mainstream, they… bravely stood up for patriotism and making fun of people who ‘look different’? That just proves how very vanilla they are. It’s like saying “Look at me, I’m so cool!” Yeah, no you’re not.

    • tallulahspankhead August 16, 2012 at 4:34 pm

      Yeah, if vanilla = boring, then upholding traditional gender roles and squeeing over “hurrr she looks like a man” is pretty much the posterchild.

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