The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Sharing the love

Things we liked, or didn’t like, from around the internet this week.

Leading the week, Rebecca has put together a fabulous collection of posts for the 53rd Down Under Feminists Carnival.

The Pervocracy on The Worst Thing in the World, or how fear fucks us over.

If a relationship fails, if you get fired, if you get rejected… you’ll fall into TWTITW, so you put everything you’ve goddamn got into that relationship.  You’ll try anything to keep the relationship. Because it’s literally unthinkable what will happen if it ends.

Clarisse Thorn’s Slutwalk speech, on consent. This in particular rang some bells for me (Emma):

I’m a feminist, but there are feminists out there who tell me I can’t choose to do S&M because S&M is always abusive. Some of them tell me that I only want S&M because we live in a broken patriarchal society that has brainwashed me into believing I want something that I don’t. I think they’re wrong, and for a long time I discarded everything they said because I was so angry at them for telling me I can’t choose what to do with my body.

On the harassment we face all the time, every day, and why we put up with it.

Just about every woman has experienced these kinds of things, and I’m guessing that most of the men in our lives have no idea of the extent of the harassment our side of humanity puts up with.

Even more reason not to put up with it anymore, eh? No real men want this sort of thing to be happening to their sisters and mums and aunties and cousins and girlfriends and wives and daughters and and and, and so I say to men, too, don’t put up with it.

How about some awesome women? Some douchecanoe took a photo of a woman – without her knowledge and consent – and put it on the internet. Because she looks “funny”. And she responded with grace and dignity and far fewer swear words than Tallulah would have. And then there is this brilliant call out and smack down from a local US news anchor:

(Tallulah ended up writing a piece about the video, here.)

That famous picture of a sailor kissing a nurse in Times Square, celebrating the end of World War II? It was a sexual assault.

This piece, by Roxanne Gay, is my (Tallulah’s) favourite thing I’ve read all year.

I also want to be myself. Bad feminism seems like the only way I can both embrace myself as a feminist and be myself. No matter what issues I have with feminism, I am one. I cannot nor will not deny the importance and absolute necessity of feminism. Like most people, I’m full of contradictions, but I also don’t want to be treated like shit for being a woman. I am, therefore, a bad feminist. I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all.

And Blue Milk has, as we have come to expect from her, a beautifully nuanced review of Jessica Valenti’s book on feminist motherhood: Why have kids, by Jessica Valenti.

That’s it for the week. I’m (Deb) at my parents’ place, where internet access is a bit creaky, so nothing pretty to hand to end this post. See you all next week.

3 responses to “Sharing the love

  1. Draco T Bastard (@DracoTBastard) October 8, 2012 at 12:18 am

    I think cultural narratives of Perfect Love and Forever Love play into it big-time, too. We don’t teach kids “someday your Prince Charming will come, and hopefully you’ll have good times together even if it doesn’t work out in the end.”

    IMO, there’s a hell of a lot we don’t teach them. Instead we leave them to it and then wonder why they fuck up so much. This would be made worse if the family environment is dysfunctional and/or abusive.

    • Emma October 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

      We don’t just leave them with nothing, though that would be bad enough. When it comes to narratives of sex and relationships, we tell them enormous lies.

      • Draco T Bastard (@DracoTBastard) October 10, 2012 at 8:22 pm

        Socialisation starts early but we tend to send kids off to school where they’re not learning from a multitude of adults around them but from each other and the authority figure at the front of the class. On top of that there’s usually only two adults at home which again limits the child’s learning experience. Quite simply, the children grow up without enough adults to copy from so I really do think it’s closer to nothing with bad dialogues (Walt Disney, other children’s programs and other children) then filling in where the lack of learning from the elders should be.

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