The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Well, that escalated quickly.

Trigger warning for rape, rape culture.

Here’s how to tell if you’re a misogynist asshole.

1. Take pleasure in offending women.
2. When a woman calls you out on that behaviour, demean and negate her.

If that doesn’t prove it to everyone you know, double down with a nice bit of rape/child abuse joking.


When called on it, say you we’re just joking about a fictional character. That makes it OK!

[Update since I started writing this: you can then apologise(ish) and delete the offending tweet.]

Look, I’m not going to have anything better here to say than Sady, Lindy and Molly have said.

So, let’s just repeat this a couple of times: rape jokes aren’t funny. Rape jokes aren’t funny. Jokes about rape culture can be, but it’s a high bar, and one that few comedians can clear. And when your joke falls flat, it’s not just that you didn’t get a laugh, it’s that you’re hurting and re-traumatising rape victims. (Of whom, statistically, you likely have at least one amongst your friends/listeners/followers.) And you’re helping to prop up a culture that minimises violent crime. Why do you want to be that guy?

Of course, if you believe Twitter, you people who make these kinds of jokes have supporters. I’m, of course, part of the PC police, and you should be allowed to say whatever you want. And, of course, you are. You can tweet whatever bullshit you like. You can lash out at women who call you sexist and be a bully, and upset people all you want. And I get to think that you’re a piece of shit.

But when you have the pulpit of a massively influential radio station, and the tiny amounts of fame that New Zealand allows, you don’t get to do that without people complaining. And I’d have thought that if you are a half-decent human being, you’d have considered the responsibility you have. A responsibility to not make rape victims feel worse. To not uphold a culture wherein women (and some men) feel unsafe and at risk. You talk, mostly, to young people, over whom you have influence. Are you really comfortable making the world a bit more shit, instead of a little bit better, as you do that? Couldn’t you use that influence, gained through what I am sure is your massive talent, to help us? Or at the very least, to not actively hurt us?

Of course, I’m just a boring, humorlessness, unfunny, overly-sensitive, stick-up-her-ass, PC feminist, right? You carry on.

jlawthumbs up

7 responses to “Well, that escalated quickly.

  1. Facts June 13, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    One month with no post.

    Twelve posts in six months.

    It’s dead, Jim.

    • Facts July 16, 2013 at 3:14 pm

      Two months!

      • tallulahspankhead July 16, 2013 at 3:22 pm

        Yeah, “facts”, the thing is, the Lady Gardeners have lives, and jobs, and health and all kinds of things to take care of. For most of us, blogging has had to take a step back for the time being. Thanks for being sympathetic to that though. You’re not at all gleeful about this or anything, right?

        Here’s another thought. It’s possible that more than one of us are despairing about the plight of women in our world, and don’t have the mental energy to get angry about it, let alone write about it. But hey. You carry on with your self-righteous self. Or, maybe you could look to any of the other excellent feminist blogs that are doing great work, and we’ll work on that mental energy thing.

  2. Facts July 17, 2013 at 3:37 am

    I’ve been enjoying The Hand Mirror.

    And hey, I’m sure there are good reasons for the blog being dead but that doesn’t make it any less dead.

  3. Facts July 17, 2013 at 3:37 am

    Amptoons is good too although maybe it wouldn’t count as a feminist blog. Also Captainawkward. Oh and of course, Shakesville.

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